August 17, 2007
2 years ago, i was crying. i was broken. i was hopeless..i have given up living.. i accepted the fact that i can do nothing more than exist.
they say that the entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person..
you needed me. but not in the manner that i wanted you to need me.
2 years later..
are the tables turned right now? perhaps not. i have never wished for nothing more than your happiness...and i never thought that i will find happiness in this lifetime, either.
but i did. just when i least expected to.
mahirap daw ipaliwanag ang nararamdaman kung nababalot ang puso ng kaligayahan.
2 years of being quiet.... go figure.
August 4, 2005
"you were there for me even if i didn't know i needed someone, either to talk to or who'd listen to my deepest, crazy thoughts. you already have an answer even before i get the chance to ask. i'm sorry if sometimes i'm not as good as what a friend should be. you've never turned me down. i know i can always depend on you ... and it scares me. i was used to keeping all my problems, fears, worries, or any other thoughts to myself. i advised myself. i helped myself. since you came i can't help but spill out whatever comes to my mind, petty to complicated. it gives me some sort of relief for doing so. what if the time comes that you won't be there for me, not because you choose not to, but due to circumstances? please give allowances for my tantrums and impatience. you're the only preson who bears with me that it makes me feel guilty. you listen to me. i unload my problems through that and i realize i somewhat pass the burden on you. i'm sorry. i think i've caused you trouble more than anybody has. no one has ever understood me as you have. i don't have many friends. but you know what? i don't care. you alone are worth a thousand great people one could ask for. i have you and i take pride in it. i'm praying it stays that way forever. if i've touched your life in any way, you've touched mine a hundred times more. you're my bestfriend, more like family. i hope you'll be wherever i'll be. sana pwede kitang ibulsa. for the nth time, thank you for everything."
" ikaw na lang ang natitira na pwede kong sandalan. i know that by saying that i'm sort of putting pressure on you. i also know you have your own struggles in life that sometimes you get to the brink of pushing people away. but please, i hope you make me an exception. please."
you obviously have no idea of the pain you're causing me. but you don't have to worry, i'll wait. in vain. but i'll wait.
August 3, 2005
it's been a while. and i just realized that i've been using that "it's been a while" statement a lot these days. well, i guess it's quite safe to assume that i'm still in hiatus.
been through a lot. (being gone for more than three months, i guess it's quite understandable that a lot of things will definitely happen in that span of time.)
had my up's. sank deeper after that.
have you ever felt as if nothing's going right? it's like falling. you just fall... and fall, and fall some more. once you pop you can't stop. once you drop you can't stop.
bumaon na naman ako sa lupa.
i'm tired of being maudlin. i'm tired of boring people with my freakin miseries. but to hell with them, i ain't writing to please anyone.
you know, one of the greatest irony of blogging is that sometimes you reach that point wherein you will lose it's essence. you blog to free yourself. to rid your soul of all that extra baggage that you just can't throw off in the real world. but apparently, it'll still catch up on you in time. you tried to hide yourself in a mask. cover your soul with the net's greatest advantage - anonymity. but is there such a thing as that? you establish a completely different persona, but what happens next? your world, without your really wanting to, will slowly collide with that one space you've been trying to run away from. then you become you again. not that you're not you. but it's just that you don't wanna be you for a while. geez.
crap. i see i managed to digress again.
bottomline is that there will come a time when you will lose every bit of skin left in you. everything's out in the open. your guts and internal organs are all out for consumption.
i'm back. get out.
July 11, 2005
Stairway to Heaven
By: Led Zeppelin
There’s a lady who’s sure
All that glitters is gold
And she’s buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she’s buying a stairway to heaven.
There’s a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
’cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook
There’s a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.
There’s a feeling I get
When I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
And it’s whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.
If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow
Don’t be alarmed now,
It’s just a spring clean for the may queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is humming and it won’t go
In case you don’t know,
The piper’s calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.
And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How ev’rything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.
And she’s buying a stairway to heaven.
March 29, 2005
Para sa katotohanang ang hirap takasan…
Para sa mga gumuhong pangarap…
Para sa mga panaginip na hanggang panaginip na lang…
Para sa mga panghahamak at pang-aalimura…
Para sa mga panahong sinayang…
Para sa mga salitang hindi sinabi…
Para sa mga pangakong kinalimutan…
Para sa damdaming isinantabi lang…
Para sa sariling ibinaon sa limot…
Isang patak na luha.
March 28, 2005
I got this from Ed and Junior’s comments.
What is the difference between a Blog and an On-line journal. Hmmn.
I think the latter’s more personal.
Kaya nga Blog na to ngayon e. nyehehe. Ewan. Para kasing ano e… uhm… alam nyo yun?
Haaay. Tokwa, ang hirap mag-explain.
My thoughts are just way too scattered lately. Can’t put a leash on ‘em. Geez.
I wanna take pictures. God, the moon’s gorgeous lately. Aaaargh!!!! It’s so frustrating. I wanna do a lot of things with the moon.
uh-huh. I’m definitely blogging. I’m losing leigh. *Sighs*
March 23, 2005
o, kumusta ka na? Medyo matagal na panahon na rin tayong walang balita sa isa’t-isa a. oo nga e, pareho kase tayong busy ngayon. Haaay. Alam mo, namiss kita ng sobra. Oo nga e, di ako ganong nakaka-text lately. Kasi… uhmm.. medyo naja-jahe ko sayo. Ewan ko nga ba, parang pakiramdam ko naninimbang ulit ako pagdating sa pagku-kwento sayo ng mga bagay-bagay. Hahaha, oo, nakakatawa nga. Me hiya pala ko. Hehehe. Pasensya ka na ha? Alam mo namang me sayad talaga ko sa utak.
Ano na ba ang bago sayo? Ah. Talaga? Me boypren ka na? Haha, sus matagal ko ng alam, ano ka ba. Isa nga yun sa reasons kung bakit dumistansya muna ko ng konti sayo. Wala lang. Kasi… ano e.. uhm.. wala. Para you guys can spend some quality time together. E, parang di ko lang kasi ganong trip na maging third wheel na naman. Hehe. Pero masaya talaga ko na ikaw e lubhang naliligayahan sa piling nya.
Namiss ko yung mga gabing nagte-text tayong dalawa tapos pareho tayong umiiyak. Kasi.. na-aabnoy tayo pareho at binabalot ng sobrang lungkot. Yung mga pagkakataong parang tulog na ang buong mundo pero nagku-kwentuhan pa rin tayong dalawa. Yung walang sawang pagme-memorya natin ng kanta sa wave 89.1. tapos pag di natin alam yung title, sandamakmak na lista ng lyrics at hanap sa net ang gagawin natin. Yung mga kapraningan natin at sandamakmak na tawanan sa mga bagay na wala namang kwenta at di naman talaga nakakatawa… pero nakakatawa sa paningin natin. Yung mga diskusyon natin tungkol sa buhay, relihiyon, puno, bato, kaligayahan, kapayapaan at kung anu-ano pang mga bagay. Yung mga pangarap natin, simple wishes, fantasies. Yung pagiging critic sa halos lahat ng pelikulang pinapanood natin. Yung kape.
Namiss kita talaga.
Pano na lang pag wala ka na? Ang lungkot naman. Pero… okay lang. Sanay naman na ako na laging iniiwan.
Mami-miss kita. Bespren.
Sana malapit ka lang para di ako masyadong nalulungkot
Kakaiba ka talaga. Lagi mo na lang akong sinu-sopresa. Haaay. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam na nalaman kong ganyan pala ang papel na ginagampanan ko sa buhay mo. Pinasaya mo ko.
Ang sarap pakinggan.
ala, holy week pa naman pero andami kong ginagawang kalokohan. Sssh. Kasi… uhm.. wala lang. Ano… uhm… yung hard disk ko, dinala ko sa opis, tapos nung umuwi na sila, inenslave ko dun sa computer. Tapos… uhm… yung network pinakialaman ko… kasi.. uhm… para ma-access ko yung internet… tapos… uhm… nag DL ako ng mga kanta… tapos…
ahehe. Tapos na. Behaved naman ako e. ala lang.
[hmmn… kelan ko kaya ulit dadalhin tong hard disk ko? esep-esep]